I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
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Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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