I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
