Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize