I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.