the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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