I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
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Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
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I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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