Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.