yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together