I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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