another moral hangover. fuck.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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