I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
