so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
