is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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