Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
