She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I love you. Go after that dick
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
