Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
