Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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