Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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