So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They should really pass out barf bags in church
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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