I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
