Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
