ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
