We won't sleep together?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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