He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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