Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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