I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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