apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
