The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
