you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
