drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
