I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
