I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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