***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
