i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
