im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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