its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
