Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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