Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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