He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
