Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
