There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
