oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
