Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
