she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Houston, we have a blender
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
