I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
