Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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