My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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