Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
