Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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