dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
third nipple confirmed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
