The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
