i was born a porn star she said
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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