Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
