weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
