you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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