Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
