he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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