Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want her autograph on my taint
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
