I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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