I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
