I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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