I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
ttyl tear gas
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
