youre lurking in front of me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize