I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Houston, we have a squirter
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
