the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
