She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
